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Mar. 22nd, 2017

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ameliacareful: The phone rings and Special Agent Kwan picks up....

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ameliacareful:

The phone rings and Special Agent Kwan picks up.

“Hey, sorry to bother you,” says a voice on the phone, “but I’m David Diallo and I’m a Deputy Sheriff from Monroe County in New York? I’m just calling to check the bonafides of a couple of agents?” The deputy sounds a little bored.

Kwan is about to tell them they’ve got the wrong extension. He’s gotten calls before. He’s in a field office in Wisconsin and figures he’s one number off from whoever actually does this. But the deputy says, “It’s agents Angus and Young.”

Kwan almost laughs. What sadist partnered guys who end up making up the name of ACDC’s lead? An then it clicks.

“Um…hold on,” he says and puts the guy on hold.

He leans back in his chair. “Hey Chapman!”

When she doesn’t look up he tries again. “Jules! I think it’s those two psychopaths!”

She looks up, frowning. Lever and Godowsky do, too.

Kwan asks, “Is there some crazy shit happening in Monroe County, New York?”

Lever and Godowsky wander over to his cubical while Julie Chapman types. “Hell yes,” she says. “Something about people going into comas and murdering other people while, hold on, ‘in a persistent vegetative state.’ Why?”

He puts the phone on speaker. “Deputy, what did you say their names are?”

“Angus and Young?” The deputy says. “Sam and Dean?”

Godowsky mouths ‘Angus and Young’ and has to cover his mouth and turn away to keep from laughing.

“Uh, yeah,” Kwan says. “Yeah. Sam and Dean. Good guys. Um good luck with whatever the hell is going on there.”

“Thanks,” says the deputy. “I’m just glad for the help, you know? This is like something my grandmother would call an exorcist for.”

“Well, if anyone can clear it up, those two can,” Kwan says and ends the call just as Chapman and Lever lose their shit. Godowsky is laughing so hard he’s crying. Chapman fist pumps. Lever pounds his fist against a filing cabinet.

“Oh my God,” Chapman says. “How in the hell did you end up getting that call?”

“I don’t know. You know anybody in…” Kwan googles Monroe County, “…in the Rochester office? I mean, should we call them?”

“No way,” says Lever, six feet two of Mormon morality and the person who Kwan assumed would be the first to want to nail these guys. “Let ‘em clean that mess up.”

“I gotta call Boydell Kimball,” Chapman says. “I think he’s keeping a database.”

“Wait a few days,” Kwan says. “Let them clean it up first.”

Kwan goes back to the counterfeiting scam he’s tracking, feeling that the morning at least got better. Maybe his phone will ring again soon.
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lynnvwang: Did some fanart of the Buffster while watching her...

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lynnvwang:

Did some fanart of the Buffster while watching her dust some vamps last night!
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sillymarillion-comics: greenekangaroo: mrs-jack-turner: maskednocturnalvigilantism: paramaline: ...

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sillymarillion-comics:

greenekangaroo:

mrs-jack-turner:

maskednocturnalvigilantism:

paramaline:

shout out to thorin oakenshield for getting lost in the shire not once, but twice

#not all those who wander are lost #(but some are)

too majestic to ask for directions

Even the ring wraiths asked for directions.

Even the ring wraiths asked for directions 

I can imagine how it went
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dduane: motorizedduck: roachpatrol: underscorex: megabeeprime: froborr: roachpatrol: roachpatro...

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dduane:

motorizedduck:

roachpatrol:

underscorex:

megabeeprime:

froborr:

roachpatrol:

roachpatrol:

prokopetz:

writebastard:

prokopetz:

Random Headcanon: That Federation vessels in Star Trek seem to experience bizarre malfunctions with such overwhelming frequency isn’t just an artefact of the television serial format. Rather, it’s because the Federation as a culture are a bunch of deranged hyper-neophiles,
tooling around in ships packed full of beyond-cutting-edge tech they
don’t really understand. Endlessly frustrating if you have to fight
them, because they can pull an effectively unlimited number of bullshit
space-magic countermeasures out of their arses - but they’re as likely
as not to give themselves a lethal five-dimensional wedgie in the
process. All those rampant holograms and warp core malfunctions and
accidentally-traveling-back-in-time incidents? That doesn’t actually
happen to anyone else; it’s literally just Federation vessels that go off the rails like that. And they do so on a fairly regular basis.

So to everyone else in the galaxy, all humans are basically Doc Brown.

Aliens who have seen the Back to the Future movies literally don’t realise that Doc Brown is meant to be funny. They’re just like “yes, that is exactly what all human scientists are like in my experience”.

THE ONLY REASON SCOTTY IS CHIEF ENGINEER INSTEAD OF SOMEONE FROM A SPECIES WITH A HIGHER TECHNOLOGICAL APTITUDE IS BECAUSE EVERYONE FROM THOSE SPECIES TOOK ONE LOOK AT THE ENTERPRISE’S ENGINE ROOM AND RAN AWAY SCREAMING

vulcan science academy: why do you need another warp core

humans: we’re going to plug two of them together and see if we go twice as fast

vsa: last time we gave you a warp core you threw it into a sun to see if the sun would go twice as fast

humans: hahaha yeah

humans: it did tho

vsa: IT EXPLODED

humans: it exploded twice as fast

I love this. Especially because of how well it plays with my headcanon that the Federation does so much better against the Borg than anyone else because beating the Borg with military tactics is nigh-impossible, but beating them with wacky superscience shenanigans works as long as they’re unique wacky superscience shenanigans.

Yeah, I love this.

Reminds me of the thing I wrote a while back about Humans in high fantasy realms - they’re basically Team Fuck It Hold My Beer I Got This.

Impulsive, passionate to a fault, the social structures they build to try and regulate this hotheadedness ironically creates even greater levels of sheer bull-headedness. Even their “cooler” heads take action in months or weeks.

All their great heroes of the past were impossibly rash by galactic standards. Humans Just Go With It, which is their great flaw but also their greatest strength.

klingons: okay we don’t get it

vulcan science academy: get what

klingons: you vulcans are a bunch of stuffy prisses but you’re also tougher, stronger, and smarter than humans in every single way

klingons: why do you let them run your federation

vulcan science academy: look

vulcan science academy: this is a species where if you give them two warp cores they don’t do experiments on one and save the other for if the first one blows up

vulcan science academy: this is a species where if you give them two warp cores, they will ask for a third one, immediately plug all three into each other, punch a hole into an alternate universe where humans subscribe to an even more destructive ideological system, fight everyone in it because they’re offended by that, steal their warp cores, plug those together, punch their way back here, then try to turn a nearby sun into a torus because that was what their initial scientific experiment was for and they didn’t want to waste a trip. 

vulcan science academy: they did that last week. we have the write-up right here. it’s getting published in about six hundred scientific journals across two hundred different disciplines because of how many established theories their ridiculous little expedition has just called into question. also, they did turn that sun into a torus, and no one actually knows how. 

vulcan science academy: this is why we let them do whatever the hell they want. 

klingons: …. can we be a part of your federation

Humans: so, uh, funny story

Vulcan Science Academy: Let us guess - you’re not here to return the two warp cores we loaned you for experimentation, and you’re here to tell us that both of them were destroyed at once while you were trying to turn a sun into a torus again

Humans: well, half right

VSA: Wait, what is this

Humans: This is sixteen warp cores

VSA: How is this

Humans: Turns out that at the center of the stellar toroid there was a subspace anomaly that—

VSA: PLEASE don’t

Humans: —caused a refractive tachyon emission that—

VSA: This is literally impossible in every sense of the word

Humans: — depolarized the warp fields and in short—

VSA: Just no

Humans: — the warp fields got cloned and we ended up with four.

VSA: But you brought back sixteen

Humans: We had to repeat the experiment a couple of times to make sure it wasn’t a fluke

VSA: What about the “stellar toroid” of yours

Humans: It’s now a stellar triquetra

(snicker) Sold. :)
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Mar. 21st, 2017

writer

icheb-of-nine:I can’t believe this is a real

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icheb-of-nine:

I can’t believe this is a real movie 
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Mar. 20th, 2017

writer

How Do You Say ‘Email’ in Yiddish?

via http://ift.tt/2mmMpqC:How Do You Say ‘Email’ in Yiddish?:

witchy-woman:

jewish-privilege:

In a thousand-year-old language like Yiddish, with many of its words rooted in the ancient Bible, how would you say “email”? Or “transgender”? Or “designated driver”? Or “binge watch”?

Those terms came into popular usage long after the language’s heyday, when it was the lingua franca of the Jews of Eastern Europe and the garment workers of the Lower East Side and was the chosen literary tongue for writers like Sholem Aleichem and Isaac Bashevis Singer. Though the Holocaust and assimilation have shrunk the ranks of Yiddish speakers — once put at over 11 million worldwide — to a relative handful, Yiddish still needs to keep itself fashionably up-to-date.

So two of its conservationists have produced the first full-fledged English-to-Yiddish dictionary in 50 years and it is designed to carry Yiddish into the 21st century and just maybe beyond. After all, Yiddish has always had a canny way of defying the pessimists.

“Email”? How is “blitspost” — a combination of the Yiddish words for “lightning” and “mail”? “Transgender”? How’s “tsvishnminik,” which blends the common Yiddish words for “between” and “type.” “Designated driver”? “Der nikhterer shofer” does the trick by fusing the Yiddish word for “sober” with that for “driver.” And “binge watch” is “shlingen epizodn,” literally “wolf down episodes.”

… “In the long run if you keep borrowing English, you end up speaking English,” he said.

Read Joseph Berger’s full piece in The New York Times.

!!!!
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Mar. 19th, 2017

writer

siminiblocker: The boy who lived… for the greate

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siminiblocker:

The boy who lived… for the greater good.

Yeah… I’ve been listening to Sorceror’s Stone this week.
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donnajosh: And everything else is crap.

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donnajosh:

And everything else is crap.
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halsprite: pray4salvation: ouyangdan: georgetakei: Slow....

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halsprite:

pray4salvation:

ouyangdan:

georgetakei:

Slow. Clap. http://ift.tt/1euhu0D

favorite linguist joke and i will never not reblog it

HA

still fave
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writer

"A second flood, a simple famine, plagues of locusts everywhere, or a cataclysmic earthquake,..."

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“A second flood, a simple famine, plagues of locusts everywhere, or a cataclysmic earthquake, I’d accept with some despair. But no, you sent us Congress! Good God, Sir, was that fair?”
- John Adams, 1776
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